Fun

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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. ----
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She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel.
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As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
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About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.
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Optimists think the glass is half full. Pessimists think the glass is half empty. Realists know that someone will have to wash the glass.
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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.
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Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
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Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.- Kin Hubbard
Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing.
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I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true. ----